Time for a Bock Beer Bailout

Written by Damon on January 28, 2009

Yesterday the Canadian government here came out with a budget including stimulus spending many different sectors of the economy. Similarly, the US government passed a stimulus package today.

But even with all of this money going around to support struggling sectors, I don’t see anything to support Bock beer.

The Case for Bock Beer

Bocks are deserving of stimulus spending, more so than many other areas of our economy.

Bock beer is a very smooth and accessible style that is very rarely brewed in North America. But it’s also got a rich, full, malty taste and unique yeast flavours that beer connoisseurs can appreciate. It is an under appreciated style with potential for mass appeal.

Auto Industry and Bock Beer

Compare that with say the auto industry. Automakers struggle against competition with a product that better meets the needs of ordinary people at a lower cost.

Bock beer, on the other hand, is superior to mass-market beers, can delightfully meet the needs of ordinary people, and can be produced at a similar cost.

They are clearly more deserving of a bailout than the auto industry.

Financial Industry and Bock Beer

Compare bocks with the financial industry.

The excesses of the financial industry leave ordinary people with a hangover. Similarly, excesses of bock leave ordinary people with a hangover.

Both industries are obsessed with constant growth that increase the risk of hangover.

The financial industry saturates the mortgage market and has to dole out increasingly risky loans to sustain growth. Similarly, basic bocks, already quite healthy at 6% or more, morph in to dopple-bocks, and then in to eisbocks steadily increasing the risks of hangover.

Clearly, bocks are equally deserving of a bailout.

Lobbying for Bock Beer

In order to further the cause of bock beer in our countries, I’m starting the bock beer lobby.

My goal is to secure a $35 billion in funding to further the cause of bocks in North America.

In order to achieve this goal I plan to educate legislators in both countries about the value of bocks. Once legislators understand the value of bocks compared with the financial and auto industries, I’m confident that legislators will quickly approve the bailout.

But for the bailout to be truly successful, we need coordinated global stimulus.

Once I have successfully lobbied Washington and Ottawa, I plan to leverage those contacts to achieve global action.

Grassroots Action

In order to start my grassroots campaign, I brewed a bock of my own the other day.

I decoction mashed it using almost 100% Munich malt. Unfortunately, I had difficulty hitting my rest temperatures coming up short each time. I wanted to rest at °149 (°65) and °160 (°71) but instead hit °147 (°64), then °149 (°65), then °154 (°68), then ° 158 (°70). But I never imagined that the road to success wouldn’t be without obstacles.

If any of you see bock listed in the register of gifts from lobbyists, you will know where they came from.